ennui, Janelle

Did I enjoy the movie? I could not answer the question, because I did not know. Could I say that I did not even care about it. No, much better to purse my lips and ask how long the movie is. I wasn’t interested in your talk about the first movie, and you sensed it, and moved along. Lying on my bed, wanting to sleep, but not tired, and not wanting to do anything either. This must be ennui speaking.

When the pain of getting out of the bondage of financial slavery is greater than the pain of changing your spending habits, you will become rich. Either change, or be content to live as you are.

We were talking idly about investing. Say, a million dollar condominium, 10% down in cash, another 10% from the OA, and an 80% return. I laughed out loud at the figure.
Do you know how much money people can make flipping properties? Keep your day job, while we rent it out to keep up the monthly mortgage payments.
It was certainly very pleasing to imagine. He quickly revised the figure to 60%.
Imagine what you could do with it.
I thought about it. It made me happy just thinking about it. I’ll piss in my pants, and hire someone to clean it up for me.
He told me, quite seriously, that what I wanted to do with my portion of my money was my concern.

Kester is unusually fat. His cheeks, his thighs, his arms, they immediately arrest me with one impression. I did not want to offend, so I left it unsaid, and just looked at him in wonder. But I passed by him again and it just escaped me. "He is a bit fat". The polite-speak did not go unnoticed. Eugene looked at me. "Yah, slightly."

Really small kids, I just look at them and wonder what they are thinking. Almost human, almost rational, but given to their impulses, given to obsess over purple dinosaurs. Janelle left the Akira dvd player turned on as she bounced off somewhere else. Her Barney was my Sesame Street, I reasoned to myself, but I could not understand. A 3 year old, silently watching a purple dinosaur on a portable dvd player! As she was away, I pressed the stop button. When she came back, she punched all the buttons trying to get it to play again, but this reset the video back to the beginning. She found out I had stopped it, and asked me, "Why you so selfish?" I didn’t know what to say. You were away, I wanted to save energy, you could have just pressed play to resume, but I didn’t stop you punching the buttons because it looked adorable? Could she even process all the clauses? No, I merely laughed. Could she be thinking: What a jerk, he turns off the player when I’m not done and laughs in my face.


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